13 June 2016, Mumbai
In a tragic turn of events, a 30-year-old biker from Mumbai committed a murder-suicide yesterday evening by jumping off an apartment building, falling 15 floors straight on top of his own parked motorcycle. The friends of family of the deceased were inconsolable after the nearest KTM service centre told them the Duke 390 was a total loss due to chassis damage. A memorial service held in honour of the motorcycle was attended by over 40,000 bikers via Google Hangouts.
The post-mortem report released to the public this morning clearly stated the cause of death as “Cracked Trellis frame”. A candlelight vigil was held across the globe, with flowers placed at the gates of almost all KTM showrooms throughout the world.
Defence forces were on high alert and there was considerable Army presence throughout Mumbai streets to prevent copycat murders of other motorcycles. Expert opinions are divided if the attack should be considered an act of terror or a hate crime, with the latter gaining more traction after the media confirmed the bike was indeed black.
The perpetrator of this ghastly inhuman act left this Facebook status a few minutes before slaughtering the beautiful Duke 390 in cold blood.
Today morning I went on a solo motorcycle ride to Lonavala and back. I had my iPhone 6s Plus, a GoPro Hero4 Black, and a DJI Phantom 4, and was really looking forward to clicking some selfies for my SC, IG and FB fans, plus some sick footage for YT. I have no idea what happened, but I found myself back at home after 5 hours without a single photo or video.
All I remember is this weird and totally new feeling of actually enjoying the ride, something I’ve never experienced before. I’m used to stopping every 100 meters for chai and sutta, which also gives me an opportunity to take more selfies and reply to comments on the previous ones, but this time it appears I rode continuously for 200 kilometers. Oh God what have I done?!
It’s hard to describe what I’m feeling inside. Even though there’s a certain satisfaction in there somewhere that for the first time I rode a motorcycle just for the pure fun of riding, but that’s nothing compared to the horrible realisation that I have no proof the ride actually happened. How am I going to show this face to my fans now? They’ll think of me as a total phony, since it’s a well-known fact that any ride done without posting a 300 photo album on Facebook, 37 selfies on Instagram, 64 updates on Snapchat, and 6 Youtube videos is as good as a ride never done at all
There’s no reason for me to live anymore. Don’t forget to like, comment and share this status, and follow me on IG, SC and subscribe on Youtube. Stay tuned for the epic gnarly upcoming drone footage of me falling 15 floors to my death, and one lucky fan will get to win my blood soaked T-shirt and 3 teeth.
#BikerLife #BikerDeath #GoProOfTheDay #SuicideSquadGoals #Mumbiker
The status was subsequently taken down by the grieving family members, who said they didn’t want his dead son to hurt anyone anymore. The family also refused to publish the drone footage of their son falling to death, or the selfies he took mid-air but was not able to post because he was busy falling to death. At a press conference later in the day, they released the following statement.
Words cannot describe the feeling of loss that’s in our hearts right now. We apologise deeply to the world motorcycling community, a beautiful and innocent part of you was taken away by our son, and there’s nothing we could do about it. Even though he was a firm believer in the Church of Biking Brotherhood, we never thought this fanatical devotion could turn into blood thirst against his own motorcycle, the motorcycle that we gifted him on his 28th birthday since he didn’t have a job and couldn’t even afford to buy a Hello Kitty tricycle.
We would like to send a message to anyone out there who’s planning to commit suicide, PLEASE DON’T DO IT, unless you are 100% certain you will not crash into an innocent 2-wheeler and butcher that faultless machine to pieces, in which case go ahead by all means. Always remember that your life is extremely important, but not as important as that of a beautiful mechanical marvel that converts petrol into brraaaapp.
Popular automotive website RushLane published an article with leaked spy photos of the damaged motorcycle, speculating that the bent frame was in reality part of a KTM Duke 390 Adventure prototype. IndianAutosBlog, another crowd favourite, produced a scintillating piece of automotive journalism with a post that contained the render of the upcoming 390 Adventure based on the chassis from the RushLane article. Shifting-Gears.com went one step further and did a specs comparo of the KTM Duke 390 Adventure render vs. BMW G310R Adventure render vs. TVS Apache 200 4V Adventure from Indonesia.
Stay tuned for the exclusive first ride review of all 3 motorcycles, only here on RiderZone.